Men Have A Need To Be Protective. Women Have A Need To Feel Secure.
I have found this to be so true with the majority of men and women that I almost think that this is a truism, not a generality.
Men are built instinctively with the need to protect. It is the knight in shining armor syndrome. To rescue the fair maiden in distress, while the fair maiden is desperately wishing to be rescued by a handsome knight in shining armor.
It is an extension of the previous concept (discussed in Part 1). The man, if he can control his environment, can protect his woman. When a woman feels secure, she sees it as confirmation of the health of her relationship. Her knight wants to protect her.
If most men were honest, they would admit that they hate losing to a woman in competitive activities. A man often views such a lose as a challenge of his masculinity and of his ability to adequately provide and protect his wife. Why do you think that the following phrase is an insult to a man, "You throw like a girl!"?
A veteran of the gulf war told me once why he felt like it would be a mistake to allow women into combat. He told me that he had been raised to protect women, and if a women was placed in a nearby foxhole, he would feel compelled to carry her load (despite her capability to do it herself), and as a result, get them both killed. He said he was incapable of relying on her as he would another man in such a situation due to his instinctual need to protect her.
And if most women were honest, they would admit that they love to feel secure. A secure woman is a happy woman. I've met big, blurry, tough women who cried like babies because they feel insecure.
Is it any wonder that men like to show off their prowess, and often women like to cheer their man on? Is it no wonder that the majority of cheerleaders are women? Why do you suppose that a woman can find pride in her man's accomplishment, but some men feel diminished by their wives accomplishments? This is not to say that a woman ought not to be accomplished. She should. But if a woman is physically stronger than her husband so that she has to open the jar lid, because he can't, that may prove to be an embarrassment to the man.
It's just the way men and women are. For the most part.
Some Good Advice:
1. Husband, see to it that your wife is secure. Be willing to fight her battles for her. I never tell my wife to buck up, take it like a man, or other such nonsense. No, instead I'll fight her external battles when I can. This gives her tremendous security.
2. Wife, cheer your husband on. Be his greatest support. Every man likes to show off to a woman. Make that woman his wife. Brag on his prowess, and he'll want to show off for you even more.
Men Are Typically Big Picture People. While Women Are Typically Detail People!
This is by no means exclusive. This is in general. I've found that a woman will notice the details of things much sooner than a man will. A man often has a better facility for seeing the long term of things (and sometimes at the expense of the moment).
But such is the complementary nature of men and women.
Women, typically, are great at setting short term goals that have no long term direction, while men set long term goals without knowing how to get there. Put the two together, and you have a working, viable team.
Let me illustrate this with a young couple that has just had a baby. As soon as a baby is born, the father begins planning how and who she'll date, where she'll go to college, what she'll become, and even the sort of person she'll be. The mother, on the other hand, just wants to hold her baby and play with her baby before she grows up. She sees a baby, not the grown man or woman the baby will become one day.
Again, this doesn't reflect all men or all women. This reflects the majority of us.
Some Good Advice:
1. Work together to plan the direction of your future and marriage. Often, the two of you will come up with a better working plan than either of you by yourself.
2. Your marriage is a team effort. It is not a 50% / 50% proposition. It is a 100% / 100% commitment.
3. Men listen to your wives. Don't sacrifice the moment for some indeterminable future.
4. Women, listen to your husbands. It is a good idea to plan for the future.
Greg S. Baker is a Pastor, Counselor, and Author specializing in building and strengthening relationships.
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