Understanding the Sources of Emotional Immaturity

Emotional immaturity is the result of or a combination of one of two things.

1. Emotional trauma as a child or young person.
2. Never having had to accept responsibility for one's own actions.

These two things are the primary source of emotional immaturity. Combined, they reflect a troubled individual and personality.

EMOTIONAL TRAUMA

Children and even teenagers lack the experience and emotional stability to deal with the trauma that can result from abuse, abandonment, being unloved, or even the death of someone close. So many of the problems that I as a pastor and counselor deal with stem from these emotional traumas inflicted in those tender and delicate childhood years.

A child or even teenagers often deal with trauma by pretending it never happened. They try to live their lives by hiding their injury. They are bleeding inside, while pretending outside that all is well. The result of this is devastating:

They stop growing or maturing emotionally.

When something tragic, say sexual abuse, happens to a nine year old, that nine year old stops growing emotionally. He or she may grow physically, by all outward appearances, but emotionally, in many respects, he or she is still a nine year old. It may manifest itself in sexual habits, sexual interest, and intimacy in marriage.

There has been many a case where two twenty year olds get married, but because of childhood emotional injuries, it is more like a marriage between children. And within a very short amount of time, the immaturity becomes apparent. To add to the difficulties, when an emotionally immature parent tries to raise children then the problems become even more obvious. When you have an emotional nine year old trying to raise another nine year old the results are often disastrous.

Emotional injuries must be healed to allow for maturity in this area. Without the healing, there will always be immaturity.

NOT HAVING TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR ONES OWN ACTIONS

We have raised a generation that makes a fatal mistake when it comes to child rearing. We allow our children to get away with things, we defend them for doing wrong, we ignore their tantrums, we allow them to indulge in their appetites, and we brush it all off with a muttered comment, "Kids will be kids."

There is no doubt that kids will be kids. But to allow children to indulge in such behavior ultimately means that they never have to grow up emotionally. The only difference between maturity and immaturity is the ability to accept responsibility for one's responsibilities. But the way the majority of our youth is raised, they have no inclination, desire, or understanding to do so.

We start young. A two year old will dump all the toys out onto the floor and who ends up picking it up? Most often the parent does. The child never learns that there are consequences to his actions. We are saying to that two year old, "Don't worry, if you make a mess, mommy will clean it up." That idea sticks with them until they are taught differently. From there, it just gets worse.

We thrust these emotionally immature children into adulthood where suddenly, they must accept responsibility for their actions in ways they never ever had to as children. They have no capacity to do so. They end up in disastrous relationships, getting hurt, hurting others, end up in jail, ruin their credit, get into extreme debt, become abusers in their own rights, or end up prematurely dead.

The so called 'sowing wild oats' leads to lifelong injuries and scars that they end up paying for the rest of their lives. It is a tragedy.

If you are a parent with children living at home, please teach your children to take responsibility for their responsibilities. Give them responsibilities. Don't allow them to go into adult hood emotionally immature. More often than not, they will have to pick up the shattered pieces of their lives.